I was glad to see the butt chugging trend disappear from media headlines over the past few days. The word “butt chugging” itself is so self-descriptive and evocative, really, that it doesn’t need my two cents tossed in there.
I want to tell my own butt story anyway, since people seem to like those.
First off, in this story the word “boo” refers both to poop and the act of pooping. The first letter of “poop” has been flipped up and the last letter removed to make “boo”, a much more socially-acceptable and family-friendly term for “poop”. This slightly more onomatopoetically appealing word “boo” slipped into my language when I was dating a man twenty years my senior: he and his older sisters and elderly parents and all of the grandchildren (who were my age) used the word “boo” to refer to #2. After listening to that for a couple years, “boo” came naturally to me. I left that relationship with a lot of pluses.
Anyway, back to my story: My toilet was running again, so I pulled up the flapper device, turned off the water, flushed, then mopped out the tank so it would dry and I could employ my “Vaseline gooped around the flush tube” method of fixing a toilet that’s running. After I had used three batches of towels to sop up this water that was strangely not sopping, I finally realized that it wasn’t my somehow water-resistant towels. I saw that there was a leak in the tank! It was time to contact Superbrother.
I texted him: “Hi. Turned water off to toilet, mopped out tank, but water still coming in around base of water inlet. ??”
He texted me back: “Turn the water supply to the house off while ur working on the toilet…The toilet shutoff valve may not close effectively. xo"
Turn the water supply to the house off? I had never done that before. That sounded complicated. With my luck I would turn the water off and it would never come back on again. You turn the water off to a house, you might as well fill it with embalming fluid. That can wreck a house. But maybe I’m thinking of Minnesota in the winter. Yeah, I am. But still: I don’t want to turn the water off to my house. That’s what a plumber does.
“Ok, thx, lave,” I texted Superbrother back, using our family’s word for “love”.
That was two days ago. Instead of listening to my brother and turning the water to the house off, I went to Home Depot and bought a new flapperless toilet repair kit. I wanted to try something different first, without turning the water off, just to see if something different would work. Anything to avoid cutting off my home’s main lifeline.
I put the easy-installation kit in the bathroom with the broken toilet, then forgot about the whole situation until this morning at 3:45 a.m. when I got up, walked into that bathroom, and proceeded to boo a little bit before I remembered I was sitting on the broken toilet! Oh no! Thank God there was water in it! There the boo lies now, at the bottom of the toilet.
And I have a guest coming over.