Monday, May 20, 2013

The Ecology of Lace



Class Assignment: Choose one particular place where you can regularly spend some time in the service of science.  Observe the place in detail, taking notes on all interactions, being as objective as possible.  Limit the timeframe, but write freely.  Please use headings and beheadings so that your work is easy to follow.

One Student’s Response:

Chosen Place:  My brain the last ten days

Questionable overheard comments and observed behaviors of phantom male houseguest number five billion and nine: 

1. refers to girls as being “old enough”
2. mentions watching Victoria’s Secret model shows more than once
3. twice refers back to places as “where the pretty waitress was” and “where that salesgirl was such a sweetheart”
4. loves to walk hand in hand, but sometimes kisses a little too long
5. likes big boobs, which are missing on my body (but he still loves my body?)
6. high-up in the military
7. porn sites
8. dresses only in black
9. says “Yes, but” too much (too contradictory)
10. complains early on: “You run around too much.  You don’t sit still.” 
11. gets frustrated easily, especially when driving.

The Night He Kept Rubbing Me The Wrong Way (like when I asked if he wanted some tuna salad and he said yes, so I started makin’ it and he said “Not Now!”…translation problem…but he kept after me the whole time about running around.  I had to tell him a couple times: “Hey, the house doesn’t run itself. You’re a guest here and what you see is me bein’ host, lover, and maid.”)

He seemed so demanding that night, and I couldn’t take it, so I broke out in tears and went to sit on the patio.  He came out eventually.  I told him he needed to get off my back…back off.  I already have enough pressure.  He apologized, but advised me, “You should have told me earlier.  Then we wouldn’t have this problem now.”

The next day we sleep in and do nothing but talk. I tell him I have lost some confidence in him.   I make a homemade pasta dinner for us that night, and we go to bed.

He Tells Me A Few Things That Shock Me, but later…after I register negative or even unimpressed reactions…he makes the excuse, “I ask you these things only because I want to test you.  I want to see how far you will go outside your comfort zone.”  After hearing this a couple times, I say, “Ya know, I’m not a government project.  I’m a person.  If you want to know what I think, ask me directly.  Don’t set me up in order to measure my reaction.”  This part really pissed me off.  

*****Then, Last Night:
Come home, doing his laundry.  Sitting out on the patio to visit.  I get up once to go inside to check the laundry and he says (again, as he has in the past), “Don’t run away from an important topic!”  But it’s never that I’m “running away”; it’s that I’m doing something else (like this time, his laundry).  

One thing leads to another and I ask if he has control issues.  Another thing leads to the next and I ask him if he’s ever considered that he might be an addict.  

*****Fine Point: He responds, “I am sitting here telling you that you just deeply insulted me, and you are sitting there just looking at me, like it means nothing to you.  It doesn’t matter to you that you insulted me!?”

Me: “I didn’t mean to insult you.  I just asked you a question.  I didn’t say you were an addict.  I was just asking if you thought you might be.”

Tired of excavational talk, I excuse myself from the conversation and go to bed.

*****This Morning:

Nice repeat of last night’s themes. 
Cold airport goodbye.



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